Respect vs fear.

Imagine, in a conversation, you have been asked about something you know the other person won't like. Let's say it's something the other person doesn't know you did. For each part of the question I'm about to ask, picture yourself in the situation and think of how you would feel, and what your first thought is.

The question is, when are you most likely to admit a mistake: when you're afraid of the other person? What about when you respect the  person you're talking to? How about in a situation where you feel respected by the other person, and you respect them in turn?

Most people are more likely to hide the truth if they're afraid. It's natural to want to protect yourself from negative consequences, regardless of whether you feel you did anything wrong.

In fact, if that other person is already angry, and you're afraid of their reaction, the last thing a sane person would do is say something that would make them turn their anger on you.

When you respect the other person, you're more likely to tell them the truth. You feel a certain level of trust in their self control, their sound judgment, and their ability to handle what you might say. It might be painful to admit something, but you have a sense that being dishonest would cost you more with this person than telling the truth, even if you lose some status in their eyes.

When you share mutual respect, you have no reason not to tell the other person the truth, because you know they won't judge you for what you did wrong. You won't feel shamed, because you know that they accept you for who you are. And if there's a problem, they'll try to help you solve it, learn from it, and move past it. You know before you tell them that you're already forgiven, and you know that whatever they tell you, you've already forgiven them. Both of you look for solutions, or just listen to and understand each other.


If you want to know the truth,  you have to make it the lowest-cost response.

Luck takes work.

You make your own luck when you start working smarter. Working hard isn't always the best way to work. Your effort may come to nothing, or drain you of the energy you need to achieve what you really want. Remember the fable of the man who spent his life struggling to climb a vast wall, only to find, when he reached the top, that he'd climbed the wrong wall.

 Working smart requires planning. You may not know exactly how you'll complete each step, but if you know where you want to end up, and spend some time learning how others are getting there, you'll start to make the map you need to get where you want to be.

That late morning sick day call.

A mid-level manager once confessed to me, "When people call in sick I can't help thinking they're lying." The supervisor of a department in another company asked me what she could do to stop employees from taking sick days. She fully believed that one in particular was "lying" when he said he had a backache and couldn't come in. She acknowledged that the man was in his late forties, and had a job history that had included a lot of strenuous physical labor in the past. In my own position as manager, I've gotten calls that ranged from a perky sounding claim of insomnia to losing first one family member then another in strange circumstances in rapid succession. You probably have examples of your own to add. So what can we do?

The answer is, almost nothing. Even if you're sure the person is "faking it," you're in a better position if you let it slide. If you're wrong, you undermine your own authority. Even if you're right, other employees (and some higher-level managers) will think less of you for making an issue of it. You'll create resentment in your department, even if only one employee is problematic.And resentment can lead to a range of passive-aggressive responses from even the most reliable employees.

You could trade resentment for complicity.The head of a graphics department in a large ad agency had several designers who'd occasionally call in sick as late as 11 am after a night of partying, which meant he had to scramble to find freelancers. He solved the problem this way: he told them that if they knew they might call in sick, to let him know in advance so he could plan ahead. But not everyone is comfortable making a compromise like that. For one thing, he put himself in a bad position to complain about absenteeism during reviews. For another, those who didn't take off for hangovers began taking sick days as informal personal days, rather than just the few heavy drinkers.

You could advocate for a company switch from discrete sick/vacation/personal days to paid time off (PTO) days. If you're not familiar, this allows employees to take a the same number of days, either planned (vacation/personal days) or unplanned (sick days). The trick is that if they don't use the sick days, they get to use them as vacation days. That means many employees call in less often, and try to "save" time off for their planned trips instead. You can ask employees to give you a couple of days notice for a single day off, unless they're actually sick. The disadvantages are that most employees will use all their PTO days (rather than having a few unused sick days by the end of the year), or sick employees will come to work to save their PTO days. (Keep in mind that some employees will do this anyway, either out of misguided work ethic or because they've used up their sick days for the year already.)

When you feel someone is taking advantage of the system, you're going to hold them at arm's length. But look at the whole person: is he or she a valuable member of your team? Is it likely you could replace them with someone more responsible?  If you want to keep your employee, you're going to have to let go of your concern. That said, it's one thing if you're feeling suspicious about one person. If you feel this way about all of your employees, there's a possibility the problem is with your perception.

Gratitude and Employee Morale

It's long been known that most employees place appreciation above money. Often  low employee morale can be caused by the kinds of disappointments companies can't help but deliver. Whether it's missing production goals, losing a client, or needing to make cutbacks, company setbacks are also personal setbacks for your employees. They feel pride in their contribution to your success, and want you and your company to do well; they want to take pride in their workplace. It can be hard to find optimism in the face of a bad quarter. But there are ways to help your employees (and yourself) feel more hopeful, and positive, and it has a lot to do with cultivating an attitude of gratitude, from the top down.

 

Gratitude is simplest way to feel abundance and fulfillment. Think of all the old sayings like, "count your blessings," or "stop and smell the roses;"  the point is the same. We're happier with what we have when we're thankful for it. Noticing the good in life makes it mean more.

I've always liked that Thanksgiving comes before Christmas. Thanksgiving is a time to look over the year and all that's occurred and give thanks for the good, be it health, success, or our families and friends, we all have so much to be glad for, no matter what's gone wrong. Giving thanks for the good comes first, and after that we give and receive those lovely gifts to celebrate end of a year of each others' love and friendship. Whether you're religious or not, there's so much value in thankfulness and giving.

 Our ancestors who competed to fill basic needs probably survived because they had that instinct to grab what they wanted, regardless of what anyone else got. But we're a little more nuanced than that. We can actually thrive without having every wish fulfilled.We have to be taught to be happy with what we have. It's a skill, just like learning how to open a bottle. When you know how to stop and give thanks for what you have, you'll find you're happier with your life, and your career.

You can grow your sense of abundance, and theirs, by discussing your company's year with your coworkers to highlight the good. Talk about the good things that have happened. Ask them, what are they happy for? Think of the humble things: a pleasant work environment, the good people on your team, their shared experiences as coworkers and employees. Tell them the humble things you're grateful for. This way you're making the sharing of thankfulness a regular part of company life, building a sense of shared responsibility and respect. You will begin to look at your day for examples of things to be grateful for, and so will they. 

You don't need a lot to feel you have a great career ahead of you: you just need hope. To appreciate what you have, including the possibilities. That optimism cuts down on stress, and builds morale. When you instill that  sense of being in this together, you open up opportunities that can never be found when everyone's afraid, and scrambling just to protect themselves from risk. Those who learn to turn their company, their department, their team, into a great place to work and grow will be able to draw strength from it throughout the new year.

How to listen so you will be heard

Listening is one of the most important skills--without it, we'd have a hard time learning any of the others. A certain degree of listening and attention is natural, we can't help wanting to listen, to hear things, to understand them. It's our job to build on this, to foster our own focus, and that of others. When people feel listened to, they are more likely to listen attentively in return. You can actually teach others to listen to you, by the way you listen. Human beings are natural mimics, true; but the rest of the reason for this is that when people feel respected and know their opinions and ideas count, they naturally feel more inclined toward you, more respectful of your opinions and ideas. They pick up your listening habits and pass them on.

But how are your listening skills? You can't teach what you don't know, so let's check the definition of "active listening" -- a tool for letting employees know you hear them, and a skill they can learn, to let you know they hear you, too.

When you're actively listening, you give the other person your full attention. No wandering eyes, no loss of focus. When the other person is talking, don't be so caught up in thinking of your response that you don't actually hear what is being said. Don't assume you already know what they're going to say. Even if you do.
Give the other person cues that you are listening: nod your head, acknowledge their points, make eye contact (but don't stare).

Listening and not allowing yourself to be distracted gives your employees the message that they are important to you, that their needs and wants are understood and considered, even if they don't get what they want. Modelling active listening helps them, and others in your life, learn to listen respectfully too. And you just might learn something useful, too!

Don't make them wrong.

That's a piece of advice I try to keep in mind whenever I need to confront another person. If I want their cooperation, and good will, it's up to me to communicate what I need, and what I'd like changed, without leaving the other person feeling insulted, put upon, blamed, or otherwise unhappy about working with me. The more I have to delegate to another person, the more I want to feel I can trust them. The only way to generate trust is to extend it in good faith, and live up to it on my own side.

When an employee makes a mistake, it's important to make sure they have guidance. A good employee knows what they did and why it went wrong-- and you can help an average employee become a good one, if you are willing to listen, provide positive feedback, and problem solve together. Sometimes we need to teach the basic skills to coworkers and employees, but teamwork has an intuitive side. Letting your team mate know what you'd like to see from them going forward will win you far more cooperation and loyalty than detailing exactly what they did wrong and punishing them for it either by a verbal take down or other means.

H was a plant manager at a printing firm. He had problems with a proofreader whose foreign-language skills kept her in high demand even though her work attitude wasn't the best. She was always taking more than an hour for lunch, often came in late and left early. Her work was getting done on time. Although her personality was a bit prickly and she was known to be oversensitive and a bit overdramatic, she got along well enough with the typesetters and art directors, and no one complained about her skills. If anything she was a bit of a perfectionist, which management valued.

H called her into his office one day and told her that if she didn't punch in and out for a full 40 hour work week, he would take her off salary and put her on an hourly wage. One particularly slow week, her hours totaled under a full 40 hours, so H put through the paperwork without telling her. She found out by opening her next paycheck, that she was now an hourly employee.

She complained to everyone else in the plant about what H had done, and ultimately went over his head to the plant owner, who switched her back to a salary, with overtime. Eventually she quit the job, citing her difficult relationship with H. The company never could find another multilingual proofreader with her skills, and had to send the work out to a translation firm, on top of hiring and training a new proofreader to replace her. Needless to say this didn't sit well with management, or the rest of the employees who had grown to like the proofreader.

What could H have done differently? He could have completely overlooked her time problem, but that could have caused resentment among the rest of the staff. He could have just fired her on the spot, saving some of the printing floor drama, but bringing about the expense of replacing her even sooner, and alienating management even more.

Now imagine if H had called her in and said something positive about her skills and value to the company, before even addressing the time issue. Suppose he had explained to her his reasoning for her ontime attendance, sympathized with the differences between work rules in her country of birth and the USA, allowed her to explain what her reasoning was, and negotiated with her to find a better way to fulfill the company's needs. She might have been willing to cooperate once she realized H was on her side and valued her input. She might have understood the company's need for her to stand by for the full 8 hours, even if there was nothing for her to do. She may have been able to suggest additional responsibilities she was willing to take on to fill her waiting time.

H might have discovered she had a legitimate reason to be out, and gone to upper management, if needed, to work out a better schedule to accommodate her needs, something that in her case might have been more valuable than an annual raise, or a promotion. What if she had made a clear-cut case that as long as she was at her desk when work came in, it didn't matter whether she punched a time clock or not? Anything was possible until H. acted presumptively to punish her.

Think creatively about your employee problems, before you jump to conclusions, or drag them into your office to complain. Maybe there's a new way to look at the employee, and the situation, that will give you both what you want, and build your relationship as well as their value to your company.

Managing to create loyalty

It may be difficult to know, upon hiring a new employee, who will be successful and loyal, who you can trust with your business and your clients, and who will master the projects you give them. You can, however, create a work culture that encourages this kind of employee behavior. We teach others how to treat us, in our every interaction. This is true in personal relationships (thanks, Dr. Phil!) but it's also true of our work lives.

First, let's look at your management style. Do you prefer to tell people what to do, watch to see if they fail, and then chew them out to prevent them from making mistakes in the future? Do you prefer to be in control, sometimes second guessing your people, even in areas that aren't your expertise? This management style is called "authoritarian." Do you prefer to lead by committee, or let your employees figure out what to do on their own? This kind of manager may listen to what employees say, but may not offer any guidance, and seldom goes to bat with upper management for his employees; acting more or less as a messenger from the higher ups, trying to be the "nice guy." This is the "permissive" employer style. Finally we have the manager who listens to and appreciates employee ideas, but stands firm on deadlines and standards; gives guidance where it is helpful, champions promising employees, and utilizes team work and committees to inspire and inform. This style is called "authoritative."

Each style has its benefits to those who use it. But who do you think retains the best employees? Whose protegés will go on to climb the ladder of success? Some people thrive in a negative environment, they like the challenge, or feel safer with a boss to tell them what to do. Some people are self starters and can fill their role without much prompting. But most employees want a balance between guidance and freedom, they want to know their work is appreciated, and a benefit to the company. They want to know that they're taken care of but also expected (and allowed!) to grow and learn with their career.

Think of the bosses you have had in life. Which ones did you feel the most loyal to? When you think of the range of employee types, whom would you prefer on your team?